O my friends, there are no friends.” – Aristotle
A friend is a person
capable of loving irrespective of whether he is being loved or not. Friendship
can exist between the same sex: man-man, woman-woman, or opposite sex:
man-woman. It transcends age and could subsist between even an old man and a
small boy. Human beings also establish friendships with their pet animals such
as cats, dogs, horses, doves and parrots. Friendship can also be felt in
familial relationships between father and son, mother and daughter, husband and
wife, brother and sister, elder brother and younger brother. Yet, more than
friendship, love is the binding force in familial relationships. In a deeper
sense, love is below friendship because it is an above/below relation, one of
hierarchy and condition. It is implied, then, that friendship is freedom plus
equality. It involves choice and volition.
The concept of friendship needs exploration because often a
man is known by the company he keeps; knowing the company helps one to know
oneself and develop his personality to the fullest. Each of our friends mirrors
a rejected or acknowledged trait in us. They happen to be our friends because
it is we in different forms, and a unified vision of them constitutes to the
sameness of our identity. Generally, friendship exists for three reasons: a)
virtue b) usefulness c) pleasure.
When virtue is the reason, friendship exists for the sake of
friendship; where both like each other and cherish each other for some
creditable values in the other’s personality. You wish to be the friend of that
person for the sheer personality that other has. It has a magic in itself. It
attracts you. And it is mutual. You know that you would even die to swear your
friendship for that person. But you also know that the other would make you
live than die for him/her. It is somewhat platonic in concept inasmuch as the
other may not be/ all that intelligent and good looking, useful or capable of
giving pleasure
.
A friendship of the
second kind is formed for the utilitarian value of it. How useful so and so is
to me? What can I benefit from him? Can I use his car? Will he use his
reputation and influence to fetch me a good job? Will he lend me money in need?
Thus a person may ask and maintains relationship for practical, professional,
and political reasons. I remember the friendship I made with two others on a
train journey from Indore to Ahmadabad. It was extremely useful for killing
time during the journey. Further, all of us had to go to the bus-stand to continue
our onward travel. Therefore we took an auto rickshaw till the bus-stand and
shared the money. But then, once we boarded our buses to our destinations, we
were looking forward to do our work for the purpose we were there. That is the
quality of this; it is useful but lasts so long as the need for utility
persists. Once we do away with the utility need, the friendship eventually
dies. It holds good only for that moment and need.
Friendship of the third kind is formed essentially on
account of the pleasure the relationship is capable of giving. He is a joker.
The moment he enters, you forget all your worries. You cannot but wonder what
new joke he has got up in his sleeve to make you roar into laughter. And he
never disappoints you that way. She is cute, intelligent and charming. The very
notion that she is your friend makes you feel proud. That she walks talks and
takes coffee with you is enough. You are on cloud nine. The point rests here:
How good is he/she in giving me pleasure--physically, emotionally, mentally and
materialistically? .....
Now to the question:
Which of the three is good? It appears that type A is good, but it is not as
useful or joyful as the other types. Type B is good, yet it falls short of
longevity and quality. Type C too is good, but how long one enjoys only
pleasure in life? How many jokes can a person take in a day? And does it give
the same pleasure as it gave to him in the beginning? Doesn’t he reach a
saturation point, a mental and emotional exhaustion? Where he would rather
prefer to be left alone to himself? Would prefer to shed a tear inside rather
than go on laughing at the follies of the world?
In close observation,
it would be revealed that all these type differences are not watertight
compartments. They overlap with each other. A relationship started on the basis
of usefulness may also get elevated to the status of virtue in due course.
Similarly a virtuous friendship also could soon impart usefulness and pleasure.
It would be an ideal package to have all the three together. But you see my friend,
how difficult it is to form relationships? Virtue-based relationships are
formed mostly during childhood, schooldays. But once one tastes the coldness of
reality and learns to conduct oneself a successful professional, the
circumstance demands one to have friendships on the basis of
usefulness/pleasure. Be it sharing the food or going for a picnic or deciding
to invest in the same company shares together. Though I said earlier that it is
capable of developing a virtue out of it in due course, mind you, it is not a
virtue in itself. Virtue-based friendship is fantastic for this reason: it
lasts till the end of this universe! Though it is disheartening to realize that
most of the virtue-based relationships is formed during our young, immature
(ironically because we were thinking at that time that we were the most matured
of the lot!), developing stage--the mind then was remarkably uninhibited and
the ears listened without prejudice and the tongues twisted smoothly to the
words that flew out from the bottoms of hearts--it is gladdening to know that
value-based friendships are also formed in a
professional/political/materialistic milieu. Often less in number, it is
formed, surprisingly, in a short span and lasts till eternity! “You know your
friend in a moment, than your acquaintances in a life time.”
Recognition of enmity even when friendship is alive and
kicking can give a cosmic and comprehensive view of a relationship resulting in
its intensified quality and enhanced exchange of friendly love. But leaving
this aspect of friendship in the dark, will soon render a relationship
arbitrary and leaves its partners in a quandary with rankling fear for
continuity/discontinuity. That’s why, when we preserve the fond memories of our
friends in the attics, refrigerators and pickle bottles of our minds and
hearts, let’s open those wicket-gates of our souls in esteem of our enemies too!
ENEMY can Turn up to the BEST FRIEND...
HAPPY READING
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